So it turns out that Yoshio, evil genius and annoying mastermind of internet inconvenience is also pretty hilarious.
My friend, Robyn Gallagher, translated the Japanese content of my old site and created a shitty list of wedding tips for you all. This is what Yoshio would like the world to know:
Recommended activities for active park wedding
1. Congratulations on your beautiful love. Is your love real? Can you truly feel it? Does it soar like the many bird? If yes, then you are ready to move into the next step of “wedding”.
2. Do you enjoy trees? Do you enjoy rubbish bins? Do you enjoy youths playing hacky sacks? These are important factors to consider when decided if park wedding is right for you. Please say yes.
3. Ensure that bride is virginal and also that groom is “virginal”. If bride does not currently possess virginal, a starter pack can be purchased from the kiosk by the duck pond.
4. Notice the shade of the willow tree. Is this a flattering light for your young bride or groom? No, it is a flattering light only for the old bride, the aged crone whose matrimony comes at last minute before her eggs fry.
5. Is this mistake? Was he sudden to look into your eyes and declare the most highest of love? If you live relationship then everything will be all right. If not, well I am afraid.
6. New bride, Can you cook? Before a park wedding can occur, bride must demonstrate her skills to cook. Is there a Russian fudge in your future? Workshop at park pavilion for bride who cannot cake.
7. Do you have children before your marriage? You are not virginal. It is all right! We have paddling lake with pedalos and fun concrete igloo for children to dispose of their presence during ceremony.
8. Give your guests several disposable cameras for taking photos. After service guests can dispose of camera into one of 16 different rubbish bins located around the park grounds. Yes ya!
9. Remember a poem. It must rhyme. Bride and groom to read alternate lines. This will move elderly uncle to sob deeply. Paper kerchiefs will be provided to elderly at no charge.
10. Heigh ho! You are wed in a park now! The sun is shining for you! What awaits you now in this new voyage of life here in the park? Minivan will transport bride and groom to honeymoon pavilion. Good luck you people.
Touche, Yoshio, touche! I must say the entertainment value of this is higher than anything I could create myself, so maybe, in a weird way, it is a good thing you are the within-legal-jurisdiction-pain in-the-ass-you-are.
Thanks Robyn!
Thanks for that! Love the vengeful side of the whole thing