Hi Yoshio, I got sent this picture of a redundant socket in a ladies bathroom. The light, composition and the metaphor behind this piece is worthy of you. Lo! Behold!
The Socket That is Not Helpful (Like Yoshio)
(Thanks Lee!)
There has been some light shed on the identity of Mr Kanazawa! I was sent the following message from Rear Admiral Lucius P. Kumquat (retired), of which I was highly delighted by:
There are some things you need to know about the name Yoshio Kanazawa, and they are as follows:
The colloquial meaning of “Yoshio” is “Leper” — the colloquial meaning of “Kanazawa” is “Buttmonkey” — the intricacies of the Japanese language are such that the full name “Yoshio Kanazawa” does not translate literally as “Leprous Buttmonkey” or “One Who Is Both A Leper And A Monkey Of The Butt” but has a certain gestalt factor that means when spoken in full it translates as “Half-Man Who Puts Die-Cast Toy Vehicles In His Rectum” — most people of this name are named after an infamous Samurai warlord who became Ronin after (and my translation skills are not the best but I believe it to be as follows) “shamed for 1,000 lifetimes after taking his horse as a wife and acting as the supplicant in the relationship”
Searches on the internet for the name “Yoshio Kanazawa” turn up almost exclusively websites devoted to the eating and smearing on one’s own feces
I hope you have found this enlightening and wish you the very best of luck in your crusade.
Well thank you, Rear Admiral Lucius P. Kumquat (retired)!
http://www.leekspin.com His webpage is strangely mesemerising, but not quite as mesmerising as this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iM2sK6EyHlI
(You are welcome)
So it turns out that Yoshio, evil genius and annoying mastermind of internet inconvenience is also pretty hilarious.
My friend, Robyn Gallagher, translated the Japanese content of my old site and created a shitty list of wedding tips for you all. This is what Yoshio would like the world to know:
My name is Sarah Harpur. I am 29 years old. I am 5’3” and have feet that are wider than they are long. Like a Welsh-Mountain Pony, I am stable on rough terrain. Unlike a Welsh Mountain Pony, I can not carry a 16 stone man on my back over said rough terrain.
Once upon a time, I had a website named after me. It was named after me because I paid for the site and bought it with my own pocket money. I loved this site. It was the place where my half formed, embryonic thoughts developed and grew into beautiful two-headed babies with facial hair and a penchant for cheap vodka. Yes, my children were abominable to some, but they had a right to exist. Some people loved my freakish kids as much as I did.
One day, two years later, I could no longer use my email address that was attached to my domain. To cut a long story short, I did not receive forewarning of my domain’s expiry and it was purchased legally by one, Yoshio Kanazawa.
My website was now written entirely in Japanese. It looks lame as. See?
Perhaps the most irritating thing is my old domain is valuable only to me. I would understand the desire to purchase my domain if it was ‘freep0rn.c0m’ or ‘buyonlinecrapforcheap.com’; but my site was based on my name and identity as a human and writer.
Maybe Yoshio Kanazawa incorrectly thought my site got a lot of traffic. Yoshio was wrong. Yoshio could not be more wrong. If Yoshio dressed up like a baby, wore giant nappies and was raised by a house cow, he could not be more wrong. The most traffic my site got was the day it was mentioned in the Sunday Star Times in July 2010. That day, the high point of my online publishing career, saw the site receive a whopping 232 hits. That’s right. THREE figures.
Yoshio, you ass, you are barking up the wrong tree.
WordPress suggested I purchase ‘myownwebsite.org’ or ‘myownwebsite.net’, but the confusion that would create would be astronomical. It would only serve to divert traffic to the legal-stealer of my domain, while I got the honour of owning the inferior version of my own domain. WordPress, my friends, you underestimate the level of revenge I seek.
Yoshio Kanazawa did not respond to my polite and heartfelt requests to buy back my site. Yoshio Kanazawa may not even exist.
Yoshio Kanazawa may have purchased my site legally, but there are many things in life that are perfectly legal. It does not make them moral, fair or even good. That domain was a product of MY idea, my intellectual property. And it has not been protected. It pisses me off. Yoshio Kanazawa took something of mine, and it is causing me headaches and eye-twitches.
Yoshio has now forced me to buy the narcissistic domain of www.sarahharpur.com . I didn’t want to do that. He has left me with no option than be a cheap, self-promoting, self-promoter. He has taken my name, and made it a star of a SHIT website.
Well Yoshio. I have many plans for legal revenge. The first starts here. You purchased my identity. Now I have purchased yours. www.yoshiokanazawa.com is now MINE. It is going to be the crappest website in the world. Dedicated to all things legal, but shit. Just like you, Yoshio Kanazawa, you evil mastermind.
I am determined to cause Yoshio some seriously mild inconvenience.
The shit website will be a tribute to Yoshio Kanazawa and other shit things in life.
